Smart Marriage and Smart Phones: Can You Have Both?

"There needs to be smart phone rules for married couples, like don't take them to bed when making love." Paul W Anderson, PhD, marriage counselor 843-422-1408

Table of Contents
  1. Marriage And Smart Phones Can Coexist, But...
  2. Smart Phones Trump Marriage
  3. Tips For Married Smart Phone Users
  4. Don't Take Smart Phone To Your Bed
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On the flip side, marriage and significant relationships have some positive and endearing characteristics that modern phones do not have. For one thing, having a marriage or otherwise significant partnership is clearly associated with longer life spans when compared to people who live by themselves. I don’t think this is true about smart phones.

Furthermore, a marriage seems to be able to meet deep needs for intimacy, both emotional and physical. You can’t say that for your smartphone.  Although you may use your smart phone to connect with other people in oblique or tangential ways, none of these is as potent for quality human living as are the face-to-face dynamics of a healthy marriage.

Significant relationships and adult partnerships can help to form and maintain personal identities in ways that those handheld computers called smart phones can never do. Yes, I don’t deny that smart phones have something to do with who we are. However, I would suggest that your phone manifests your personality, while your significant relationship or marriage helps to form and maintain your identities and personas.

We need both Smart marriage and Smart phones.

I have seen smart phones slowly, but surely kill the quality connection that a married couple might have had with each other. I suppose it could be said, that eventually a person can become more connected to their cell phone than they are their spouse. This would certainly be true if we simply measured the amount of time many people spend with their smart phones on a daily basis and compare that to the amount of time they do or do not spend with their so-called “beloved.”

If a couple cannot attend to each other until the needs of their smart phone have been met, chances are high that the phones will kill anything of value in that relationship. To this point, in marriage counseling, I hear things like, “My husband is always on his phone!” or spouses asking the other one if they are married to their cell phone.smart marriage, smart phones, bluffton, sc, marriage counseling

A marriage is an organic, living entity that needs to be regularly fed at least on two levels, emotional and physical. Achieving that takes time and attention. There is no other way around it.

A smart phone needs regular attention, as well. It needs to be updated when new software is available. Certainly, it must be charged on a regular basis. And, yes, you don’t want to get too far behind the hundreds of texts and e-mails that the besiege your in-boxes on a regular basis. So, you’ve got to keep up with that, answer people who try to contact you, delete the trash and decide what to do with the good stuff, such as pictures and links that are important to you.

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